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[Dec. 10th, 2006|06:30 pm] |
Having two homes across the country from each other leaves me perpetually homesick. I will forever be missing someone, somewhere becuase i will never have all the ones that i love together in one place. Or all the things that i love. At least for the remainder of my life on earth. After that i suppose things could change.
And ordinary things can swing me into such a depressed state. Becuase i will forever find a way to connect trivial things to my Baraboo life.
It's the weather, and the hills, and it's the accents, and the freedom, and it's the smell, and the attitudes, and it's the seasons, and the giggles, and it's the nighttimes, and the basements, and it's the square, and the closeness, and most of all, it's the people that are forever on my mind.
But, of course, It's the beaches, and the history, and it's the tans, and it's the comfort, and the familiarity, it's the potential, and the family, and it's the background, and the memories, and it's the lifetime friendships, that are forever with me.
It's as if I will always be longing for something that is unreachable. Is it the rarity of exposure that makes me so closely attached? It could be, yet, it feels almost disconnected from the world I know. And it's that same disconnection that allows me to create such intimate relationships so quickly.
And 3 times a year i will be able to experience that disconnection and intimacy.
In trying to tell someone everything, you will surely forget something. And without experiencing it, one can never know exactly how it is I feel. And I am so grateful that I experienced this, all of this, with someone I was already so attached to. Surely, the longest friendship I have ever held was with Megan. She will forever be able to relate to me, and we both know that we are never alone.
Focusing on all that is going for me in Sarasota is getting me by now. But there will always be an opposing force trying to get me down. That force will send krista to riverview and my brother to jail. It will try to disconnect my relationships with the only people i have left in my life. And all i can do is combat that, attempt to grow closer to those who are drifting. A closer relationship with god is something that will undoubtedly come out of this situation. And for that, I will be forever grateful.
I must keep reminding myself: "Everything happens for a reason". & that, i do truly believe.
I suppose i wrote this mostly for myself to organize my thoughts. But if you have at least read this far, i hope that you gained something from it, anything. If you have read this far, then you were meant to. Everything happens for a reason. |
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[Aug. 6th, 2006|06:43 pm] |
I can't believe summer is over. The last day of school seems like it was 2 weeks ago. I have honestly never had a better summer. I will never forget my first day in wisconsin and how bored and upset i was to be there. I'll never forget the night where me, meg and kas went to wal mart at 2 AM and bought pop tarts and peaches. And falling asleep on Bryce's front porch. And lee falling asleep everywhere. poor lee. I'll never forget nights at Bryce's where we're so tired but we talk for hours and eat pop tarts and put ice packs in my pants becuase i sunburned my butt. I'll never forget workshop: The people, especially. I'll never forget Brad's class and being outcasted and having no idea what is going on until i sat down and cried. I'll never forget teaching Mitra's class with erin. I'll never forget being on stage with me as juliet matt as romeo. I'll never forget the night at Kas's where meg asked: "Matt, can you go get me a glass of water" . I'll never forget laying in Kas's bed with Matt while Jimmy sings songs on the guitar. I'll never forget waking up and realizing what happened and seeing Bryce's drawing of what happened. And Lee going and getting me the best Tuna sub in the world, and going to workshop feeling so sick but having to preform anyways. And being 'uncomfortably' close to Matt. And nights at Devil's lake with boys. And almost running over a family of racoons while trying to find Jimmy's car and being home so late and getting in trouble. I'll never forget all the hickeys that were impossible to hide from my mother. My mother will probably never forget them either. I'll never forget having to say goodbye to all of the people that i met. And then my flight getting cancelled and having to say goodbye again 3 days later. I'll never forget the night at Keith's where me and Kas played the itoy and washed windows, and hit little elves. I'll never forget nights of having nothing to do and bringing home 10 kids and playing mario party until 1 am. I'll never forget ME AND MEG COMPLETELY FORGETTING THE LINES TO OUR SKIT ON STAGE AND HAVING THEM TURN THE LIGHTS OFF ON US! . yeah, that is something that i especially wont forget. I wont forget Kas's "When the fuck did we get ice cream" obsession. I'll never forget coming home and having all my friends back home here for me.
this christmas will be fucking awesome.
( YEP ) |
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[Jan. 26th, 2006|06:57 pm] |
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in. (Maybe.)
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. |
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[Jul. 15th, 2005|01:21 pm] |
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Inside this room, all of my dreams become realities, and some of my realities become dreams. And, almost everything you'll see is eatable, edible, I mean, you can eat almost everything
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swedishjenny's journal